Memories from 1999

Life between Air-Raid Sirens

After some time the whole situation becomes normal. It is normal to hear air raid siren, it is normal to sleep in the basement, it is normal to stay without electricity. So normal to have no freedom to walk around, not to see your friends and not to go to school. But you can't get used so easy to the fear that you feel when the sound of aircraft is coming. Fear of bomb that will fall down on your house, that pieces of shrapnel will fall into your room, that you will stay buried in a basement. Fear of death


By MILENA STOŠIĆ
from Niš, SERBIA


At the time of NATO bombing Serbia, I was 12 years old. Just enough for me not to be interested in politics, news and situation in the country. I did not pay any attention to gossips about possible bombing that were hot topic in the school. Something like that seemed to me as impossible and too regressive for the beginning of new millenium. Even when my sisters and me stayed at home instead of going to school on 24th March 1999, it was something cool and not a reason to think about - why didn't we. On that day, my worries were more about whether I am going to celebrate my birthday, in two days.

On that evening we heard air raid sirens for the first time. I remember that some kind of guide was on TV explaining how to make a difference between sounds. Everything happened in just a few minutes. We turned off all the lights, closed the window and ran into the basement. The stairs leading to the basement are very close and meandering. Basement as a basement - keeps the cold. I do not know whether someone else did it, but we put the pots on our heads and lay down. We didn't know what to expect. As for me, at the moment I had scenes from "Diary of Anna Frank" in front of my eyes. Parents were telling us to be quiet. It seems to me that I would stop breathing if I could, just to be silent and so the planes with the bombs do not hear us, don't see us and just go away. Then I was sure there is definitely no celebration of my birthday. When we heard the ending siren, we went out of the basement and then I could breath again.

And that's how our underground life has began. Of course, air danger warning was not for all day long, as far as I remember, but we were sleeping in the basement that was adopted with bed and TV. And we were watching news all the time. Windows were marked. We had candles in case of no electricity, flashlights, and we had to make some food supplies. Our only space was our backyard and sometimes we could go to the market. We have learned another new word - pieces of shrapnel. When there was no air danger warning threat was not so scary. But when the sound of the aircraft was heard the fear was coming into whole body. Then we could only stay in the basement or cover ourselves with the blanket and stick together. From time to time, the sound would be stronger as the aircrafts are coming closer, and the voice in my head would say - "Go, go, go", and when it was leaving I would be relieved. The worst thing was when you hear the bombs falling somewhere around, when the land is shaking, glass is breaking down, and the heart is beating as you are in 100m race. Our mom would hug us and protect with her body. I was afraid that something could fall down on her. Dad had to be at working place all the time. War.

Bill Clinton, Tony Blair, Jacques Shiraque, Slobodan Miloševi? - we have learned all that names. The train with civilians was hit, bridge was fallen down, killed and wounded people. Collateral damage. I wonder if our turning off lights, closing down shuntters and non-breathing was saving us from bombs. Because they were hitting houses, too. And our house is near the Army barracks. And barracks were targets, too. I was hoping there is a piece of true in the movies, that "they" know we are here and they won't crash down our house and leave us down. Or they won't see us at all, if they want to catch us. Because, they were killing children, too.

After some time the whole situation becomes normal. It is normal to hear air raid siren, it is normal to sleep in the basement, it is normal to stay without electricity, normal to have no freedom to walk around, not to see your friends and not to go to school. But you can't get used so easy to the fear that you feel when the sound of aircraft is coming. Fear that the bomb will fall down on your house, that pieces of shrapnel will fall into your room, that you will stay buried in a basement. Fear of death. What to say those who feel that fear.

Eventually, self-defense mechanisms do their job, many things from that period are pushed back. You forget all the scary thoughts that were passing through your head, all the tragic news about victims. The freedom is more worth to you. Darkness and basement and running down the stairs are slightly disapeearing. But - even today, every time the airplanes are flying low - the heart is beating stronger.


(Published: 10.04.2009.)